She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
