finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
