yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
