I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
