When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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