So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
