onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Come see our sink grown plant.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
