So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
