I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
