Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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