Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
