You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
