break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
