If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
