I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
