Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She even gives head with a lisp.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
