real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
