i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
