If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
