Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
