She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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