I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
