I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
