Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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