she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize