What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
