I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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