I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
