The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dicks are not precious.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
