garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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