I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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