Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am available for nakedness
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
