Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
