how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
