i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So vagazzling was a success
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
