the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
