Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
