you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
