I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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