Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
