he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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