Your dad touched me again.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize