He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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