Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
