Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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