You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
