I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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