If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
