There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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