I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
