I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
