Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
