And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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