I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
