Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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