I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
are you so shy because you have an std?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
