do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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