And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
