ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
