Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
