6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
