I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
