I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My vagina is officially offended.
I am available for nakedness
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
