I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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