in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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